Happy Bday

Happy Bday to me :p. Today is my bday. Getting old, I am 31th years now. Have to re-think what i wanna do. Suprisingly, I've got a message from Indra. Never expected that he would know my bday. As I remembered, I never told him, he never asked also. But, it's oke. Nothing special anymore. Only sad memory when remembering him. Maybe He already back in track. Already got his proud. Ready to face me again. Have a new job, maybe a new car :p, But I am happy for him. Finally, he got a job that could support him. Just hoping that he won't blew this thing off again.
When I told Evi about this, she seem suprise also. She has the same question with me, how he knew ? No, I don't wanna know, I won't ask also. let it be gone by gone.

Waktu nungguin jam 12, aku berdoa, ritual yang dulu pernah diajarin ama Irwan, nunggu detik2 masuk ke jam 00.01 tanggal 8 Nov., I just pray,asking Lord supaya aku bisa punya integritas seperti Daniel. I also asked Lord, Menurut Tuhan apakah aku pantas untuk menikah ? Kalo iya, gmn caranya ? Abis, g selalu gagal di step awal. Boro2, mo serius, selalu ada aja yg bikin ngga jadi. What I am afraid of is, that I am the one who blew this thing off. Always find for the perfect ones, I knew that no one is perfect ... but I don't know, I just can't accept it. Itu semua adalah suara Tuhan lewat hati nurani g ato keinginan daging g yg nolak semua itu ? G jg binun sendiri.

So tonight, This is my prayer : Aku mau menjadi seorg yg berintegritas, seseorg yang disayang Tuhan dan Manusia, seseorg yg py hati yang takut akan Tuhan, tahu bahwa dia bukan siapa2 tanpa Tuhan. Kalau aku bisan mampu, itu semua karena Tuhan.

Aku jg berharap aku bisa menguasai 2 bhs, Ing n Mandarin. Aku harus benar2 mewujudkannya. I don't how, just hoping that Jesus will help me find the way.

Aku berharap aku bisa ikut terlibat dalam 1 pelayanan alumni yg bener2 bisa berguna untuk masyarakat. Buakn hanya sekedar wacana lagi, tp 1 langkah nyata. Yg mungkin harus kita bangun dari awal, tp sungguh berharap semales apapun nantinya aku, akan ada 1 hati yg terus memanggil aku untuk kembali.

And last wish, I am hoping. If it's God's will, I will get marry nest year. Maybe on my bday, I get marry .... just hoping hehehhehee ... So, doa puasa mesti kenceng nich hehehhehe ...

Bukan untuk minta marriednya , tapi untuk tau kehendak Tuhan untuk aku. Aku sudah cukup jauh dari Tuhan sekarang.
I have to go back.